It is the honor of a woman in her integrity to be given every explanation until she is cleared, certified and willing to admit so…
It is in the integrity of a woman to give her consent or dissent.
There is a class in women; while some are very expensive, others are not.
Their cost may not be socioeconomic or value wise but most importantly dependent on their goals, expectations and the person of the man in question.
Instances will help but to avoid going biased; when a man chooses to go for the woman who is in the class of the fishes that are retained in the bottom of the river bed when the bait/feed is being cast and others are afloat to catch, that man having winked at those who rushes for the bait from the background sounds even before it is cast; such man must be ready to duck the shields of the woman, the man must be ready to know that;
It is the honor of a lady in her integrity to be given every explanation until she is certified, clear and willing to admit so.
And so I will take on one of the shields of women which is silence.
The instance on Shield of Questioning
There are a number of shield women wield; shield of questioning, for example, that moment when you finish blabbing to a lady and she is like ‘I don’t understand or what do you mean?… Is an antic to hide from giving her stance(detail here).
The Shield of Silence.
Silence is a very sensitive shield, especially when properly wielded by women. When misused, silence can kill a relationship. But a man who loves his relationship must be skilled in handling women’s silence while avoiding the error of assumption.
English is full of overlapping words, but for the purposes of this article, regard silence as a retreat from words, the refusal to speak up one’s position in a matter.
Silence is the ocean of the unsaid, the unspeakable, the repressed, the erased, the unheard. Is an ocean, very wide. Every reasoning you put up to describe it is an assumption and assumption is the lowest level of knowledge.
Various Ways Ladies Wield Silence
- Silence Treat: When one gives a long-standing silence as a response to a crucial and sometimes pressing inquiry. Mostly seen in the expensive women end.
- Silent Assumptions: these are serious assumptions especially in the side of the ladies. It manifests when a man continues to act in a way that instills intimacy in the lady. For instance, an undefined closeness or when a man takes a lady for a ride in an opportunistic way. By exploiting her womanhood and toiling with her feelings. A silent assumption is taking place in this scenario when such ladies behave to the extent of assuming a futuristic purpose for the relationship even with it not being outrightly spoken by the man. This scenario is common in the nonexpensive women end.
Now should ladies always respond in silence- NO!
Ladies misuse silence when they leave a guy deadlocked in a silence treat open-ended. That silence is golden is an old saying that needs to be aborted, as our world keeps evolving. My advice to ladies is to be positive in their use of silence or avoid it. Explaining your positions to a guy will save him from the error of gross assumptions that is unhealthy. Giving your consent or dissent will save your life from complications and liberate you from manipulating others with indecisiveness (Beuderah).
Men also give silence treatment
Consider this life story;
A͎ m͎a͎n͎ f͎o͎u͎n͎d͎ h͎i͎s͎ w͎i͎f͎e͎ w͎i͎t͎h͎ a͎n͎o͎t͎h͎e͎r͎ m͎a͎n͎ i͎n͎ h͎i͎s͎ b͎e͎d͎r͎o͎o͎m͎. I͎n͎s͎t͎e͎a͎d͎ o͎f͎ a͎t͎t͎a͎c͎k͎i͎n͎g͎ t͎h͎e͎ m͎a͎n͎ o͎r͎ r͎a͎i͎s͎i͎n͎g͎ a͎n͎ a͎l͎a͎r͎m͎ h͎e͎ j͎u͎s͎t͎ k͎e͎p͎t͎ q͎u͎i͎e͎t͎,w͎e͎n͎t͎ b͎a͎c͎k͎ t͎o͎ t͎h͎e͎ s͎i͎t͎t͎i͎n͎g͎ r͎o͎o͎m͎, s͎w͎i͎t͎c͎h͎e͎d͎ o͎n͎ t͎h͎e͎ T͎V͎ a͎n͎d͎ s͎t͎a͎r͎t͎e͎d͎ w͎a͎t͎c͎h͎i͎n͎g͎ s͎o͎m͎e͎ g͎o͎s͎p͎e͎l͎ v͎i͎d͎e͎o͎s͎. T͎h͎e͎ w͎i͎f͎e͎ a͎n͎d͎ t͎h͎e͎ m͎a͎n͎ w͎e͎r͎e͎ i͎n͎ p͎a͎n͎i͎c͎. T͎h͎e͎ m͎a͎n͎ d͎r͎e͎s͎s͎e͎d͎ u͎p͎ a͎n͎d͎ c͎a͎m͎e͎ b͎y͎ t͎h͎e͎ s͎i͎t͎t͎i͎n͎g͎ r͎o͎o͎m͎ t͎h͎e͎n͎ s͎a͎i͎d͎ “S͎i͎r͎, l͎’m͎ s͎o͎r͎r͎y͎ f͎o͎r͎ s͎l͎e͎e͎p͎i͎n͎g͎ w͎i͎t͎h͎ y͎o͎u͎r͎ w͎i͎f͎e͎” H͎u͎s͎b͎a͎n͎d͎ r͎e͎p͎l͎i͎e͎d͎ “I͎t͎ h͎a͎p͎p͎e͎n͎s͎, y͎o͎u͎ c͎a͎n͎ g͎o͎”. T͎h͎e͎ m͎a͎n͎ l͎e͎f͎t͎ s͎h͎i͎v͎e͎r͎i͎n͎g͎. T͎h͎e͎ w͎i͎f͎e͎ n͎e͎v͎e͎r͎ c͎a͎m͎e͎ o͎u͎t͎ f͎r͎o͎m͎ t͎h͎e͎ b͎e͎d͎r͎o͎o͎m͎ t͎i͎l͎l͎ i͎t͎ w͎a͎s͎ t͎i͎m͎e͎ t͎o͎ s͎l͎e͎e͎p͎. T͎h͎e͎ h͎u͎s͎b͎a͎n͎d͎ s͎w͎i͎t͎c͎h͎e͎d͎ o͎f͎f͎ t͎h͎e͎ T͎V͎ a͎n͎d͎ w͎e͎n͎t͎ t͎o͎ s͎l͎e͎e͎p͎ o͎n͎ s͎a͎m͎e͎ b͎e͎d͎ t͎h͎e͎ a͎c͎t͎i͎o͎n͎ t͎o͎o͎k͎ p͎l͎a͎c͎e͎. H͎e͎ f͎o͎u͎n͎d͎ h͎i͎s͎ w͎i͎f͎e͎ s͎i͎t͎t͎i͎n͎g͎ o͎n͎ t͎h͎e͎ f͎l͎o͎o͎r͎ c͎r͎y͎i͎n͎g͎. T͎h͎e͎ h͎u͎s͎b͎a͎n͎d͎ n͎e͎v͎e͎r͎ s͎a͎i͎d͎ a͎n͎y͎t͎h͎i͎n͎g͎ o͎r͎ e͎v͎e͎n͎ a͎s͎k͎e͎d͎ h͎e͎r͎ a͎n͎y͎t͎h͎i͎n͎g͎. H͎e͎ j͎u͎s͎t͎ s͎l͎e͎p͎t͎ o͎n͎ h͎i͎s͎ b͎e͎d͎ a͎n͎d͎ c͎o͎v͎e͎r͎e͎d͎ h͎i͎m͎s͎e͎l͎f͎. I͎n͎ t͎h͎e͎ m͎o͎r͎n͎i͎n͎g͎ o͎n͎ w͎a͎k͎i͎n͎g͎ u͎p͎, h͎e͎ f͎o͎u͎n͎d͎ h͎i͎s͎ w͎i͎f͎e͎ d͎e͎a͎d͎. S͎h͎e͎ h͎a͎d͎ c͎o͎m͎m͎i͎t͎t͎e͎d͎ s͎u͎i͎c͎i͎d͎e͎ i͎n͎ t͎h͎e͎ m͎i͎d͎d͎l͎e͎ o͎f͎ t͎h͎e͎ n͎i͎g͎h͎t͎ a͎s͎ h͎e͎r͎ h͎u͎s͎b͎a͎n͎d͎ w͎a͎s͎ a͎s͎l͎e͎e͎p͎. Because of her husband silence . .
Speaking Up is Way Better
I trace The origin of silence to the patriarchs and oriental societies of the 19th century. Such silence that promulgated colonialism, racism, gender, etc.
Silence and powerlessness go hand in hand – no wonder powerful men who cause revolution are furious and outspoken… furious like Martin Luther King Jn, like Mandela, like Ojukwu. Am thinking we’ve not had women like that from Africa because African women were (not so now) trained to give silence when matters are most serious.
The phobia that promulgates silence is not worth the revolution and difference that communications will make. Ladies should allow room for collaborative negotiations where necessary. And should use the shield of questioning to verify every undefined behavior while avoiding every silent assumption.
What Should Men Know
My advice for guys is to learn to handle silence.
There are lots still expected of guys in our society. Guys should spend time building a friendship. With well-deserved friendship, you could be in a position to predict the supposed response of a woman. You will be able to hack into their silence and get explanations with minimal assumptions.
Why I think guys could hack into the silence is because most times back during the friendship stages, the lady may have explained… Women talks without taking pride in it. But prides it in few situations/serious inquiries like proposing. But if you had had them talking, you can tell in their silence.
Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; BUT A MAN OF UNDERSTANDING WILL DRAW IT OUT.
When negotiating, always look at the entire picture and realized that sometimes, by tackling the smaller issue, the larger ones will be affected and thus fall into place on their own. People should pass the hallmarks of friendship before proceeding to date and thereafter get to giving it a futuristic definition.
We had a situation not long ago-Where a guy met a lady and started proposing to her on the first date with claims that God told him she is his wife.
You know when people mention God or Holy Spirit in a matter, is like let everyone keep quiet and swallow it hook and sink. But its practically wrong to propose to someone on the first date, not even first month. Because you are not the only guy the girl has seen. You will not even imagine how many proposals that may have come her way.
Don’t Move Faster in Words Or Actions then You are Ready to Handle
Lastly, men should know that ladies are very vulnerable. They have feelings that are easily instilled. Even situations where they are manifesting spirituality, a woman will always be a woman. Thus, men should always define every closeness, upholding spiritual principles in relating to the opposite sex while avoiding riding on a lady whether intentionally or unintentionally.
The shield of silence is only potent when wielded with wisdom. 1 Corinthians 14:40 Let all things be done decently and in order.
I rest my case.
Am A GOD LOVER, A PHYSIOTHERAPIST, A PROLIFIC WRITER, A SOCIAL ENTREPRENEUR, WITH A BIASED INTEREST BUILDING A CHRISTMINDED PARADIGMS