A retrospection through the fantasy of the pre-adult phase of my life, when I’d often find myself with friends of likeminded rehearsing on who we would love to marry in the future. Sometimes we even mentioned names; funny memories they are.
More fantasy yet was in my early adulthood. I could still see myself encumbered by the thought of who to marry. I’d have a lot of mind swing. Today, I’m well pleased by Sister A. Tomorrow; I’m better pleased by sister B. The next day, I’m totally confused or indifference about it.
However, recently, a number of real-life true realities have occurred to me. Making me realize that the thought of getting married or being married is something somewhat secondary or unnecessary. The thought and encumbering of who to marry is only common to the unprepared. It is a sign of one’s unreadiness.
Where does the thought of who to marry come from?
Is it childishness? NO.
It is common with young people to have a picture of persons-kind they are pleased with. Through life, there is often a time circumstance and chances would bring such people to your circle of friends.
Besides, there are a set of wonderful qualities you’d find in close friends and you are almost thinking if this could be the one. Even though you are not ready, you think of growing with them and living the future in vision together.
Many times, people don’t make out anything from such visions. Because the future holds a lot for the living. The test of time and distance comes in to exaggerate every unreadiness and wanes the relationship.
At such point, it becomes obvious that friendship relationship does not outlive its purpose and because one is one’s destiny helper does not mean they are to be their life partner.
The errors of thinking who to marry
The thought of who to marry and its associated behaviors can be linked to many relationship problems among singles. Examples of such problems include the following;
- Many good friends have collided ending up in enmity because an unnecessary relationship was introduced. Friendship is better allowed than introducing a relationship that is not working. Yet many relationship counselors would insist that one, especially ladies are wasting their time to be in a relationship that does not have marriage as parts of its definition. There are many appluadable purposesfor relationships found in friendship than the futuristic purpose alone can conceal.
- The thought of who to marry when unready induces a form of behavior attempting to manipulate the other into one’s unreadiness and its associated indecisiveness.
- It truncates the joy of singlehood. One way it does this is by demanding unnecessary accountability and pressurizing one to give or live a false life in other to make good impressions.
- The thought of who to marry is also responsible for a common wrong paradigm about marriage mates. It is wrongly believed that people of the same range, like course mates, etc are not often good favorites for marriage feasibility. The argument is often that the man will not be ready for the lady who would be taken away by an already made man. This paradigm is not only wrong but it is very much a problem of thinking who to marry. Perfecting a friendship relationships purpose should better be the goal of persons in a relationship while keeping their hearts single. Succeeding in friendship without a hurting memory can produce wonders. The impossible and the unthought can be made out of it. This is one big error people make when they assert that people should not involve in a relationship which does not have a futuristic end. Relationships do not start with a futuristic purpose, it generates it. One of such unthinkable wonders that can be made out of a successful friendship is the marrying of mates.
Who is ready to marry?
The reality is that when one is finally ready, he often becomes more indifferent and losses interest in all the glaringness of the marrying stuff.
One is quite ready to marry when he is no longer interested. Other markers of readiness include;
- Being ready in this 21 century cannot overemphasize financial readiness. Without the appropriate finance to welcome and cater to another soul, marriage is a mere wish which everyone could have ridden if wishes were horses.
- One is ready that have succeeded in being a friend. Friendships give you chances to err and relearn. Marriage is till death do us part.
- One is ready who is matured in character, charisma and in the life course.
- One is ready who has identified Gods perfect timing and perfect plan, choice or will for him.
- A man is ready when he has discovered his purpose and his allotted territory.
- A woman is ready to marry after training herself to the entails of being a helpmeet and after asking to verify from the man-the definition of his purpose.
Keys to being single at heart
Life ought to be lived being single at heart; without thinking marriage. The primary purpose in friendship relationship should be building a network of people that will amount to net-worth.
Ones net-worth is defined as the difference of his assets from his liabilities. It is worthy of note to mention that it is very possible for one not to have money and yet have a high net-worth by the quantum of favor people owe him as a product of one’s goodwill.
This is possible by walking in love towards all men, being hospitable, and generous, serving others with your gifts. For a man who walks in love, there are no offenses (liabilities) that can be written against him for love covereth all sins. Prov 10; 12.
Besides, being single at heart requires faith in God who brings His will to pass by working in us both to will and to do his good pleasure.
The perfect will of God cannot be gotten by manipulations. If it is the will of God He will by all circumstances and chances work it out while you are busy fulfilling the purpose of your friendship relationship together.
Learning to consciously avoid the errors and behaviors’ associated with thinking and acting who to marry is key to living a life of confidence and focus on the real matters of one’s life.
Do comment on your experience. Were there a time; maybe in your pre-adult phase, when you were concerned about whom it should be. Like the handsome, tall, rich and God-fearing rejoinder common with ladies?