Christian Singles often times could be full of the fear for the right time, the basis for defining readiness, and when to settle in a committed relationship. These fears are mostly due to the following reasoning:
In Our African society of low economic structures, socioeconomic checks could be often the inevitable criterion. So, conditions like after I get a job when am ready to settle in one state when I have five sources of income…could be cited.
Meanwhile, many other times some Christians would want to simplify it with answers like God’s time is a perfect time. Others would say-your instincts will tell you, you will just know.
It is okay and easy-to-understand that it is not a matter of one’s age. Even though there’d been a popular societal age boundary of twenty-five and thirty years as a ‘what Are you still waiting for‘ age for ladies and guys respectively. It is still quite explicit that even those imaginary boundaries are ridiculous and not a valid measure.
In our current dispensation of education first, time spent schooling also could get cited easily for a criterion. So, most times the society starts expecting it from you after school. Perhaps a post NYSC plan for Nigerians like me. Closely related to schooling is after one is done with apprenticeships training or learning a business.
Many singles could get it twisted with experience of heartbreak, the disappointment of ex’s and then the perfect time could be a question of how to know the perfect person for a committed relationship.
A key motivation for this article
In view of the above underpinnings, the motivation for this article was after I attended a get-together with the Nigerian Christian Corpers Fellowship (NCCF) prayer arms.
In that meeting, we were hosted by the NCCF state executive members. At a point in the meeting, it was time to introduce ourselves and everyone was required to state their relationship status
More than 90% of the NCCF state executive members introduced themselves as engaged while more than 90% of us, the new Corps members introduced ourselves as single.
The NCCF state executive members were also corps members like us, just three months in service before us.
We were worried, why are the new corpers claiming single unlike the three months older Corps members?
There must be something they knew that we needed to get clear.
So after the meeting, I followed some of them to ask them two questions, which are; ‘how does one know the perfect time to be in a committed relationship? And the second which is like the first is ‘how do you know the perfect person for a committed relationship?’
Somewhat, I would say I didn’t get a satisfactory answer. But I continued to search for answers. First, I looked into the past centuries, early marriage was solely and the ideal practices. A number of factors then seemed to have favored this. Especially, poverty, low education, ready jobs for graduate students, high level of tradition as a basis for decision making, etc.
Factors worthy of consideration
Secondly, I looked into this current dispensation, these factors are almost in their reverse and have transformed to be the factors of consideration in determining the perfect time for a committed relationship. Undoubtedly, anyone who wants to get involved in a committed relationship must think of the following factors;
- The Significant other: have you found the perfect person for a committed relationship?
- Money: do you have the required financial capacity to go into a committed relationship?
- Age: are you matured enough to handle a committed relationship? And, are you ready to settle
- Education: are you done with schooling or other training
- Career: have laid your plans, have you defined and found your vision?
- God: have you prayed about it, are you led, or have you understand the divine timings for you?
But, waits a minute. So when is the perfect time? is it when you have all the above in place?
NO, NOP, NIL…
THERE is NO PERFECT TIME. You are ready for a committed relationship when you are thinking about marriage. A committed relationship that will not lead to marriage was never committed.
These factors together and working alone doesn’t define the perfect time. The perfect time happens to us…As we read in Ecclesiastes 9:11 I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all….
Committed Relationship as an aspect of the Christian life is not in the categories of primary life pursuits. Primary life pursuits would include; being full of God, career or education, personal development, … Committed relationship occurs along the way. Every other thing falls in place via planning and waiting together. What is required of a Christian is to be opened-minded and not to be bounded by such factors for criteria?
I feel like I have answered this question. I await your comments. When is the perfect time?
Am A GOD LOVER, A PHYSIOTHERAPIST, A PROLIFIC WRITER, A SOCIAL ENTREPRENEUR, WITH A BIASED INTEREST BUILDING A CHRISTMINDED PARADIGMS