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Understanding the concept of friendzone

What is a friendzone?

Even though the origin and usage of the word friendzone are applied to the place of guys in relation to their lady’s friend, I would use friendzone in a rather bidirectional approach. This means; friend-zoning can be obtained from any of the male-female sides.

Thus, for the purpose of this article, friendzone is defined as an act of initiating and sustaining a friendship relationship with another by continually acting in a friendly manner to the person, probably because you like them or you don’t have the courage to behave the otherwise.

It is also used to mean a situation in which one member of a friendship relationship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.

How friendzone works

Friendzone hinges from the concept of the ‘Mr nice guy syndrome. Acting friendly. Often, people are nice to someone they supposed to appeal to their choice and tastes of friends.

By always acting affectionately, positively, being gentle, compassionate, sensitive, vulnerable, meekly to another. It is expected as a norm that such a person responds by reciprocating the niceness thereby accepting a mutual relationship from such person.

When this exists mutually, one can say that the parties are in each other’s friend zone. If it is yet unidirectional, that’s; one is in another’s friend zone.

Conflicting concepts of friendzone

The conflicting concept of friend-zoning emanates when the friendship situation is unidirectional. The following arguments highlight the different perspective on friendzone:

  • One where the sense of zone is a situation where one party is madly desiring to graduate with the said friend to a higher level of commitment but the other party only wishes and insists that the relationship remains at the friend level. In this concept, zoning is used to connote a synonym to relationship cadre, stages or levels and types of relationship. One is zoned when the boundary is set at the friendship level by their significant other.
  • One where the relationship is not overtly defined as platonic but expressed in an act of boxing the other within imaginary boundaries.
  • One where there is Unrequited love. If a party withholds their love expression to another but only acting up and receiving from the others end. This concept somewhat addresses the common relationship syndrome of joining the queue-at the end we announce the winner. Serial friendship without seriously committing to one person. Or putting up a mindset of one being wanted by many while watching to see who I’ll emerge the winner. A mindset like this can bring about friend-zoning.
  • One where sex denial is regarded as a boundary to an effective relationship. This concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection. A woman who does not return her “nice guy” male friend’s affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault.
  • One where being in one’s friendzone is seen as being rejected. This concept devalues the goal and purpose of friendship. Here, people get too desperate for more that they take offense if not given it. Such offense is often serious and a common killer of good relationships. Thus, the danger of friend-zoning is that it is a killer of good friends.

Should Christians accept or frown at the concept of the friend zone?

Surprisingly, I would move to the friend-zoning phenomenon. Ya if that’d help us to look beyond romantic, committed, and futuristic relationships as the only essence of initiating a friendship relationship. But not without redefining it.

Friendship is not all about the romantic, every friendship must not progress to a more intimate status. This is the place of definition and purpose of the relationship.

One should always be able to say why another is their friend:

  • Because you have a common spiritual path and hoping to unravel more.
  • Because you have a common career path.
  • Because you have a common interest.
  • Because you want to learn from each other.
  • Etc.


Friends should be hinged on purpose and should not be meltdown on the basis of rising romantic or futuristic interest. The friendship bond should be esteemed above other desires. #-we were friends first before starting to desire for more.

“Owe nothing to anyone – except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law.”_ – Romans 13:8
If we love those who love us, it’s nothing special. Grace to cultivate the act of loving those that are not even nice to us is what we have to focus on too.


Let’s have your comments now. Who are in your friendzone? Who would you say have you in there friendzone? Why do you think they’d friendzone you? Or why did you friendzone them?

sunstev View All


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